in the realm of the fictionman

Today's Sig Quote

From a signature line posted at the Cauldron:

The big ocean does not care which way the little fishes swim.

More Quick Humor Sharing

(The last humor bit I posted caused quite a stir of controversy on another side because someone worked hard at being offended by it. Let's see what happens with this one...)

This was emailed to me:

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when He sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $85.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless.

Perspective and Context

One bit I heard on Mancow one morning months ago was that children have an easier time seeing the arrow in the FedEx logo.

What arrow, you ask?

Look closely:

See it? Between the E and the x.

After I heard it on the radio it was a couple days before I saw a FedEx truck. And then I saw the arrow. It was wierd suddenly seeing it where I never had before.

Another example came from an email from one of the members of the pagan groups I've been communicating with:

Apparently, while adults immediately see a couple in an intimate pose, children don't have any context for that image. All they see are the dolphins. The dolphins I had to look for.

Almost makes you wonder if kids and grownups see the same world through different eyes, or if we just see different worlds...

That Other Blog

It took about a month. Readers of that other blog I was doing (the guy who didn't exist--see Letting Go) are starting to post comments asking him where he went.

It wasn't uncommon for him to drop out of sight for a couple weeks. But then he'd come back with something juicy. And his visitor traffic hasn't gone down at all in the month or so since he vanished (still more traffic than I get...). I think people keep checking back thinking, Oooh, this is gonna be good...

I don't know if I should come forward as the author or not. I'm still not sure how his readers are going to react to that.

Which reminds me, I should get more up about my writing. We'll see when I can get something done for that. Maybe some teasers for the current book. Maybe part of one of the others. I don't know.

I have to make lunch, and feed my iguana, and do the whole working stiff thing...

Hair

I had a dream last night (not long ago, actually) that I got my hair cut. It fell to the bottom of my neck. I immediately regretted it. Amy wanted me to go back and get it cut shorter, which would probably have looked better.

At the moment, my hair falls to about the bottom of my shoulder blades. After the Army stint in '93 I needed hair. So I let it grow. In December of '99 I got hired at Sara Lee. My hair was long enough that even in a ponytail it would get caught between me and the car seat, so I'd find myself having to lean forward if I needed to tilt my head forward at all. Between that and the new job I (mostly that it was getting hard to manage more than the job) I decided to cut it.

More than a few times afterwards I wished I hadn't, or that I'd only trimmed it shorter. I like the length it's at now, but this isn't the first time I've dreamed about cutting it. Usually it's more nightmare than dream, but there's still a message there either way. Something to think about.

Here's what my hair looked like in May of '98 at the Naperville Civil War Reenactment:

TMCM

I finally remembered to add a link to Too Much Coffee Man.

The comic is the best part...

I've had things I've been meaning to blog. I even ended up having tonight to myself. Amy and a friend are doing a Girls' Night Out for their birthdays four days apart.

Oh, there were so many things I could have done tonight.

• Entering recepits into the checkbook
• Job hunting
• Filing
• ...Okay, there are other things. Trust me, there are lots of other things. But I'm tired and they're not coming to mind. Deal.

(But back to the point here...) But what did I do tonight? Funny you asked. It's a short list. I played with Jareth, and I played some computer games (C&C Generals, for the computer wargame geeks out there).

And now I'm going to bed. I warned Amy I wasn't going to wait up for her. I meant it.

G'night...

Quick Humor Sharing

My boss at work passed this around yesterday:

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in The Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work; wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-#### and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting...

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever.

Tears and Keep Your Fork

Yesterday was the memorial service for Grandma at her church. It was a nice observance. It wasn't a funeral, really. It was a goodbye.

My mom and dad both spoke. Dad had put together what he wanted to say. Typed it out. He learned too late he should have printed it larger. He could barely read it once he was up there. Dad tends to be pretty reserved--almost stoic at times. It's a family trait that neither started nor stopped with him.

As it was he barely got through it, but he did. It was one of the more emotionally charged things I've seen, and it made it all the more poignant.

Afterwards, we all gathered, and he was still crying. I'd never seen him cry before. He stood and wiped at his eyes without apologizing while people were talking around and with him. He looked as though he had realized he was allowed to cry, that it was acceptable, which of course it was. I'm glad I got to see that side of him. He handled it with dignity. I don't know if I would have been able to do that.

The other bit that's going to stick with me was a story entitled, "Keep you fork."

The story is about an old woman planning her end. She's going over what she wants, and explains to the pastor that she wanted to be buried with a fork in her hand.

Huh?

So she explained that every Sunday the congregation would gather for food after church. And every Sunday, towards the end, before dessert came out, someone would lean over and whisper, "keep your fork." And the dessert was what she always enjoyed best. It was inevitably something rich and yummy.

And that was the point. It's not the end. There's more. There's always more, and it just gets better. The best, in fact, is yet to come.

Keep your fork.

Apropos

Over at the Cauldron there's a discussion over at what point a person is dead.

My favorite answer:

I'm a fan of *the body as vehicle for the soul. When the vehicle no longer serves the driver, then its time to trade in, or (hopefully) trade up.